It's Different.

It's different not living in a town where everyone knows everyone.   Where your extended family and those of your friends goes back more than 3 generations.  You play with your mom's childhood friends' kids.  That kind of small town.

If someone from school asks the girls over to play my rule is not until I've met the parents and had an extensive conversation and been inside their home.  Even then, that's proven to not always be enough to protect them from things like inappropriate internet exposure. So frustrating.

Tonight I am caught between wanting Jules to develop a sweet friendship and protecting her from the unknown.  Her friends' little sister is turning one and having a birthday party at a park that is way across town.  They want to pick Jules up early to hang out and then go to the party. 

I have never been to their apartment, I've never had a conversation with the mom other than small talk at a couple of class parties.  Never even met the dad.  I don't know who is going to be at the party or who will be taking her to the bathroom if she needs to go.  I don't know if they are the over protective type like me or the type to let them run around with little supervision. 

Too many unknowns.

After praying about it I decided that the level of my uneasiness was enough for me to say no. Jules is just too little and not prepared to handle any sort of situation that might be the slightest bit inappropriate or even dangerous.  It would just take one creepy relative to do a whole lot of damage in a tiny amount of time. 

I am disappointed for her not to go.  I wish these mommy feelings weren't so in the way all the time.  But, they are there for a reason, I suppose.  Even if I feel like a big over-protective meany sometimes.

DIY Christmas Ornaments for Kids

We made mini soda fountain shake ornaments for all of our classmates and teachers....and staff...and family...

I got the idea from aboutchristamscrafts.com.

The supplies were inexpensive and easily accessible. 

• Communion cups 
• white pom poms
• colored pom poms
• small red pom pom's
• string
• Elmer's glue (clear)
• straws
• confetti or glitter 

When I walked into the Christian Book and Gift store I searched the world over for the communion cups.  I did not want to ask for them b/c you know, I was going defile them in a matter of hours.  But, as luck would have it they were no where to be found.  I broke out into a sweat thinking they might ask me for some sort of proof that I would actually be using them for what they were intended. I may or may not have decided I was the secretary for a home church and was out getting supplies. 

They come in quantities of 100 or 1000.  I chose 100.   No lying occurred in the process. 


Levi drilled teeny tiny little holes using his drimmell tool. 

I always like to get him involved.  He likes it even though he acts like he doesn't.  He totally get's into it.

We then formed an assembly line which involved measuring, cutting, and tying our string to the communion cups.

After that I poured some glue in a cup and they dipped a colored pom pom in it, stuck it into the bottom of each cup and followed it with a white one and a small red one for the cherry.  I recommend using the clear Elmer's because it took a very long time for the glue to dry in the bottom of the cup and it looks kind of gross if it's not clear.  While they did that I cut up the straws and then we stuck them in.  The pink coffee stirrers from Braum's would have been perfect but that would involve ninja style thievery and I don't think that's appropriate for a Christian woman like me.

 After all that was done I dotted a little glue and sprinkled each one with a little confetti and some white (or maybe it was translucent) glitter.  We had them drying all over the house.

I packaged them up in clear treat bags, tied them with curly ribbon, and stuck a gift tag to each one.  For the teachers I included a Sonic gift card in the bag and tied their favorite candy bar to it. 

The girls were able to do 90% of this on their own, but I of course chipped in so we could make enough for the entire world. 

Speaking of Christmas, here we are with the girls' Christmas presents this year, Kanoni and Hannah.  So far they have been very well behaved and proven to have heads tougher than nails.  All the hair yanking brushing that has gone on is down right criminal.

On my mind.

Who: Reese Witherspoon. If I could choose a celebrity to be friends with it would be her.
What: Homemade chocolate shake. Was too cold and lazy to make myself one but it sure sounds good.
When: Tomorrow morning. I don't have to work out in the morning and I am so very excited about that.
Where: The school cafeteria. It's where Mia will get her super citizen award in the morning. She deserves it.
Why: Because I said so.

Coupons are Whack.

 picture from blog.dealsgoround.com

Word.

I have never seen an episode of Extreme Coupon Whatever it's Called.  I have also never even half-way tried to use a coupon in all my 15 years of grocery shopping.   After reviewing our budget this year I decided it was time to at least give it a half-way shot.  

Right off the bat I learned something valuable.  Coupons don't come in the Sunday paper on a holiday.  I learned that twice in one day b/c surely someone stole them out of the first one?  No.  Yeah, we don't read the paper.  So, it was Connie-minus 8 bucks,  coupons-1 and recycling bin-2 big fat newspapers.

Well I wasn't going to fall for that on New Year's, no ma'am.  I did not buy a paper on that Sunday b/c I was in the know.  But when I joined the Grocery Game (more on that later) I realized that yes, coupons did go out that weekend and now (until they all expire) I have to get excited about saving $ only to realize it was from the Jan 1 paper that I didn't buy.  So, I really have no idea when they do and don't give out coupons.

I finally got some dang coupons to get the ball rolling and I immediately clipped them all and stuffed them in a zip-lock bag and marked the bag.  The next Sunday I did the same b/c you need a couple or three Sunday's worth of coupons to get started, so I was told.  Then came that fateful day when I was ready to save BIG bucks.  I signed up for my free trial of the Grocery Game and got my zip-lock bags in my hand and immediately realized that I had made a big mistake by clipping all of those coupons. 

You see, you are supposed to leave them in their little booklets b/c the GG tells you where to clip the coupon/s you need.

My couponing adventure got a rough start.

OK, I got this.  Third times a charm, right?  I absolutely did not clip the coupons from the third paper and it certainly wasn't a holiday weekend.  I put the booklets in a zip-lock, labeled it and watched Desperate Housewives.   This was going to be a piece of cake. 

I realized that the GG was great for matching store add items to the coupons but what about random things I need that I would have to purchase regardless of the add?  Well, I decided to log all of the coupons like a nut job in Excel.   Levi buys the paper for me and it takes me about 45 minutes to do it while we watch a movie on Sunday Afternoon.  It is an awesome resource for me.  I can do "control F" and look up an item by key word and know if I have a coupon for it or not.  Here is a portion of what it looks like:

OK, now was time to try the real deal.  I have my not clipped coupons, my spread sheet, my GG account so I was ready.  I think I spent 3 days planning a menu, working through the items in the GG, clipping my coupons, checking adds, organizing my list and my coupons according to store, and occasionally stopping to cry and moan b/c it was a total beating.   I saved $25 at Target and $30 at Tom Thumb.  However, I spent the same amount of money I always do, possibly more.

Clearly the learning curve on couponing is long and large.  Either that or I am just way to ADD for it. 

The second time around for the beating couponing adventure I fared a little better mentally.  Well, until I got to the store.  I learned something new again.  The adds go from Wednesday to Tuesday.  I never, not in my whole life, knew that.  This was a problem considering I went to the store on Wednesday after gathering coupons based on the previous weeks adds which ended the day before on Tuesday.  So, none of my coupons really made a hill of bins worth of difference because you save the most money when you match the coupons with the items in the adds. 

That's the main reason to join the GG b/c they do that for you.  It's free for the first 4 weeks and you can use your free trial on as many stores as you want.  After that it's $10 for one store and $5 for each additional one.   I paid a total of $15 for 8 weeks to use it for two stores.  You can also look up most of your local store's adds on-line.

Another mistake I made is doing my list for two weeks.  I have always done it that way but I don't advise that when first starting out with the coupon thing.  It's much too much.  

Tomorrow I am excited to use the adds properly according to the correct add dates, use my not clipped coupons, and shoot for just one week. If, after this last ditch effort, I still want to punch something when I'm done and if it takes me more than one morning to organize it all and includes me crying, I am bidding my farewell to couponing. 

I am not entirely sure which way I want this to turn out.  

In conclusion, I have officially lost my mind for the sake of our savings account. 

So, about that 30 day challenge?

Let's call it a chall-ish, shall we? 

I hit a wall right about the time of the angry post and we decided that working out every single day must be a very bad idea and we changed to every other day.  Guess what?  I'm not so angry anymore and my workouts are far more productive.  I actually do them correctly rather than sloppily fling my body around just waiting for it to be over. 

And obviously I didn't blog on Thursday or Friday.  I totally forgot on Thursday and Friday was a hit the ground running sort of day so it didn't happen.  My sister and I went to my parents this weekend and had a grand time so I'm going to give myself a pass this time b/c packing is a beating.  Not to mention I cooked a home-made lasagna, cleaned the house, and did Levi's laundry all before I left on Friday since we were going to be gone for 3 nights. 

Now that the excuses are out of the way, I'll get to business.

Honesty.  I am not very good at it.  I mean, I don't lie about important things but I certainly am guilty of saying what I think people want to hear, especially when on the fly.  I want to be one of those friends that tells you dying your hair green and purple is a bad idea but instead I might say "Oh, yes, totally you!" 

For example, Levi and I decided to volunteer at our church for extended care in they gym from 8:00-8:30 on Wednesday night.  The girls went to extended care before Christmas when we were taking a class that required extended child care and they LOVED it.  They just play their guts out in the gym, who wouldn't love that.  BUT, right now there isn't a class for us so we pick them up at 8:00 (the normal time to leave).  We committed to going through a parenting book from 6:30-8:00 while they do their thing. 

Well, after many tears from the eldest about not getting to go to extended care we thought, why not volunteer to help?  Yes, that's the ticket.  So, we asked about it and met with the children's director. 

He immediately asked us what our passion was.  My answer was filled with lots of things about the well-being of kids and helping kids and kids kids kids.  I even brought Levi into it and mentioned our Life Shelter work and what not.  Now, none of this is exactly not true.  I do very much care about underprivileged children and so does Levi.  But now that I've had a week to think about it I'd have to tell him this: 

"Levi's passion is architecture and I don't know what mine is which is why I'm in this super angry phase and don't really know how to begin getting out of the angry phase and we are just helping b/c Mia wants to be in extended care and we have thought about helping in the past and thought maybe this would be a good introduction for us into the children's ministry."

Why be embarrassed of that reason?  It's the truth.  I'm not a children's minister and children's ministry is not my passion but who says you can only serve where your passion is?   I do like kids and I like to be involved where ever my kids are so my desire to serve should be a good enough reason.  And you know what?  It might have been but I spouted off garbage instead of telling the total truth so I'll never know.  So, dumb.

I think I know what my next 30 challenge is going to be and it might be like a scene out of Liar Liar which would make for some seriously good blog material.

Family Coaster Tray.

Family coaster tray?  You may be scratching your head right now and wondering what in the world that could be.

Weeellll, it's a tray of coasters so each family member can keep track of ONE cup per day, not 15,000 (spread all over the house on end tables and counters and floors).

Ok, I know this Pinterest thing is a bit crazy but I can't help it.  I love it especially when I can solve a problem.  And so I bring you my Pinterest inspiration:

From bee in our bonnet

I saw this and immediately knew it would be put to good use around here.  My budget is quite scant so I strolled my favorite flea market for supplies.  

I found this perfect tray for $3:

It wasn't in tip top shape but I could see the big picture and knew it would work.  It is pretty modern looking so it was perfect, even for that guy I live with who is constantly cramping my style.

I scuffed all of the edges with sandpaper since it was already scuffed up some and I cut up some self adhesive cork I had left over from lining my cabinets into 4x4 inch squares for the coasters.  Ok, ok, I never finished lining all of the cabinets but the three I did line are awesome.  The paper on the back of the cork is grid marked which made for easy measuring.

I momentarily whined in my head about how I, of all people, deserve a Cricut yet I don't have one.  I also don't have any stencils which is odd for me b/c I seriously have a lot when it comes to craft supplies.  So, I opened up Microsoft Word and began testing fonts.  I thought I would be nice and ask that guy I live with what his favorite "typeface" was.  I only said "typeface" b/c I knew if i said font he would correct me.  Font is related to the size of a typeface (typeface is actually what you probably call font).   He gave me three choices.  Helvetica, Calibri, and Ariel.  I wanted to test them out and see if I liked them but I couldn't find Calibri so I asked him how to spell it.  He then, with much snobbery, told me if I would stop using Microsoft Word and use Pages like the rest of the world I could find it.  

Um, excuse me?  I believe I asked you how to spell it....still waiting for that answer.  

I opened up Pages to find it and still, it was no where to be found and I was still waiting on the answer to the initial question.  Heated bantering went on which really helped me make my decision.

American Typewriter it is.  

He hates American Typewriter.  Perfect.  

So, if you ever thought I was exaggerating about how difficult it is for us to agree on anything when it comes to decorating our home I think you might understand a little better now.  Not only can we not agree on a typeface for a simple project we can't agree on what to call the font-typeface and we can't agree on which word processing program to use to generate the typeface-font.

Yes, we know.  We are sick and twisted people.

I printed the letters from my printer (not my Cricut because I don't have one) that has been telling me for 6 months it has no ink.  It lies.  It totally has ink:

I then cut out each letter, lined them up sort of straightish and traced them onto the cork with a dull pencil.  A sharp pencil would have snagged the cork.

Now that the tedious hard part was over, you know, because I don't have a Cricut, I painted in the letters with indoor/outdoor glossy black paint.  I used exterior paint b/c I knew it will hold up to the condensation from the cups better than acrylic.  I have had this paint for two years.  I use it randomly and I think it replenishes itself like the wine in that one bible story. 

I gave the letters three coats of paint and had a really hard time waiting for it to dry so I could put glass jars on it and test it out.  But finally it was done and I made that guy I live with pose with the American Typewriter FONT and smile about it. 

And just in case you need a visual of how it works and looks while in action:

And just in case you need a visual of how it will really work and look while in action:

Reality is just not as pretty as the fantasy world I apparently frolic in but this is what it will look like on a regular basis.  Ya'll, I love this tray.  It is such a simple solution that works for us.  Jules' type A personality has taken to it quite nicely.  She loves for things to have special place.  Mia, well, she woke up this morning (Wednesday morning to be exact) and was totally shocked that it was a school day so her artistic personality puts it on the coaster 50% of the time.  The other 50% of the time she can't remember if she had a drink at all and so I find her cup and place it on the coaster for her because you win some and you loose some.  And that's perfectly o.k. 

Love Hurts.

No, really.  I should have included a bandaid in the girls' Valentine's this year. 

It was that time of year again.  Time to make things more difficult than they should be.  Time to wait until the last minute putting stress on the entire family.  Time to over extend myself to the point of total meltdown.

Yep, it was time for Valentine's. 

I turned to Pinterest and picked what seemed to be an easy yet clever Valentine.  My girls like to make theirs.  I am always tempted to buy the boxes.  I peruse them and caress them.  I think of how wonderfully simple those things would make my life around this time of year and then my day dream is spoiled with sounds of giddy girls excited about getting crafty.  I place the box back on the shelf and wipe a tear from my eye and bid farewell to what could have been.

Let me get this straight.  There is nothing wrong with boxed Valentines.  I absolutely loved picking mine out each year.  Loved it!  I just started a tradition that just won't die and well, oh well.  We made our Valentine's again this year.  I'm over it.

Here is the inspiration:

Tutorial found here. 

I didn't use her template and just made my own so I could personalize it with their names.  Microsoft Word is the spawn of Satan.  I had everything looking perfect and when I printed, all the words that I created using "word art" were jacked up.  It took me an hour to reconcile this problem.  I was on the verge of tears and punching our iMac. 

I got them all printed out and the cutting commenced.  We were all cutting.  Even Levi.  After cutting came stapling.  And by stapling I mean repeatedly poking my eyes out.  I bought them little staplers to use and under estimated the hand strength that staplers require and that my tiny people don't have.  As you can see...it's a lot of staples.  So, I stapled most of them together leaving the top open. 

Wait, no I didn't.  Mia started out wanting to do everything on. her. own.  She wasn't keen on listening to instructions or steps or anything, really, and so she began stapling them together with the back print on the inside.   This incident grew my self-control and holding of the tongue.  I decided that 4 people would not get to see who it was from until they tore it open.  The end.

They stuffed each one with a piece of candy, a sticker, and a mini-eraser.  

 I stapled the tops together and we called it a night at around 10:00pm.   Yes, I know.  Let's just move on.   They sort of kind of look like the example.  As you can see they tried their hardest to get those staples to go in the right places.  Jules kept saying,  "Darn it, this stapler is so stubborn!"  She didn't give up until she was at her wits end. 

 

Levi bought them doughnuts for breakfast for a good sugary start to the day and I gave them their annual Valentine stuffed animal.  Levi also bought them a box of chocolate from a chocolate shop in Downtown Fort Worth on Friday and they actually saved it until today.  I was impressed.  With both their will power and Levi's awesomeness. 

They each had a party and had a great time.  It was at Jules' party that I began to re-think our Valentines.  I realized that they might be darn near impossible to tear open b/c I used heavy card stock and that they might poke their fingers on the one million staples in each one of them while trying so hard to tear them.  By the time I worked it all up in my head I wanted to shout "WAIT!  Nobody move!  I need to take up Jules' Valentine's real quick and open them for you.  Please???"  But, in the end it worked out.  We just have one kid who might have been planning some questionable activities after pulling all the staples out of his and piling them up on his desk.  Oopsie.

 

Oh, here.  Did you want a close up of Mia's Valentine's bag?  As I was looking at the sweet hearts and rainbows that adorned of all the little girls bags it brought me back to my child hood.  Then Mia flashed this naked guy in a diaper in front of me while she gleamed with pride.   Yes, it's cupid.  I get it.  But it was a bit of a shocker, that's all I'm saying.  Being a mother to a free spirit is nothing if not shocking.

Monday's Menu and Reviews.

I'm still a cooking fool.  I don't fear cooking and I don't even dread it.  I like it.  I think b/c my roommate and I cooked so much in college, menu planning and cooking kind of comes naturally to me now. 

So, Yahoo freaking news, my degree wasn't worthless after all.  If it hadn't been for college I might not be a cooking fool, you see.

I have also begun to "coupon".  I suppose it is a verb now thanks to that extreme couponing show that I never watched.   My spell correct would like to change the word "couponing" to coupling but I think that would turn this post in a very inappropriate direction.  Glad I caught that one.  Anyway, I have no comment about couponing b/c it wouldn't be pretty.

The Plan Stan:

• Sausage and Zattaran's Jambalaya Mix
• Lasagna w/ garlic bread
• Chicken in basil cream sauce, chopped asparagus salad, rosemary bleu potatoes, and (who am I kidding) corndogs for the mini-people who live here
•  Paula Deen's Chicken and Dumplings (using biscuits instead of making dumplings)
• Blue Mesa's painted desert soup, cornbread (cut recipe in half)
• Potatoes Etc. (from my mother inlaw..will post later)
• Aztec Burritos 
• Slow Cooker Stuffed Bell Peppers, steamed broccoli, honey rosemary carrots
• Slow Cooker Itallian Meatballs, ricotta thyme spaetzle, peas
• Tortellini Soup w/ french bread

I usually pick 10 meals to cover two weeks.  It usually works out.  Sometimes I have extra and other times I don't have enough so we just have grilled cheese sandwiches or whatever.   I do all my grocery shopping at one time and typically have to go back one time for fruit and milk. 

Even though I didn't post a menu last week I do have a review for you:

California Grilled Veggie Sandwhich:

• 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 1/8 cup olive oil
• 1 cup sliced red bell peppers
• 1 small zucchini, sliced
• 1 red onion, sliced
• 1 small yellow squash, sliced
• 2 (4-x6-inch) focaccia bread pieces, split horizontally
• 1/2 cup crumbled feta cheese

Directions

1. In a bowl, mix the mayonnaise, minced garlic, and lemon juice. Set aside in the refrigerator.
2. Preheat the grill for high heat.
3. Brush vegetables with olive oil on each side. Brush grate with oil. Place bell peppers and zucchini closest to the middle of the grill, and set onion and squash pieces around them. Cook for about 3 minutes, turn, and cook for another 3 minutes. The peppers may take a bit longer. Remove from grill, and set aside.
4. Spread some of the mayonnaise mixture on the cut sides of the bread, and sprinkle each one with feta cheese. Place on the grill cheese side up, and cover with lid for 2 to 3 minutes. This will warm the bread, and slightly melt the cheese. Watch carefully so the bottoms don't burn. Remove from grill, and layer with the vegetables. Enjoy as open faced grilled sandwiches.

The only things I changed about this recipe is that I left out the onion b/c I forgot to buy one and I cooked all the veggies in a skillet and added sliced avocado.  I used Nature's Own thin sandwhich rounds.  When I told Levi it was on the menu he said (and I quote) "Great!  I will not be looking forward to that one."  It's a wonder I put up with him at all, really.  I served Kettle cooked sea salt and cracked pepper chips as a side.  The kids had corndogs and chips b/c we are just not there yet, ok?

Proof that this girl still can't photograph food.  My plates are white not yellow, thank you.   Levi, after each bite, commented on how good this sandwich was.  I unashamedly scoffed at him and rolled my eyes. 

As if he should ever doubt me.

Pinterest Overload: Burlap Wreaths, Yarn Letters, Rosettes, Oh, My!

This will not be an angry post. :)

A friend and I had an impromptu wreath making session while our kids played cowboys and bad guys all over the house.  It's possible that one of us or both of us got shot with a suction cup dart (or two) but that didn't stop us from getting our craft on.

I originally was going to make her a wreath that she pinned but I got all weird and thought I might pick the wrong colors or something.  So as any good friend would do, I bought the stuff and gave it to her saying "Here, I was going to make you a wreath but I chickened out so here...make your own."   However, I brought stuff for myself to make one as well so we made an evening of it.

Good friends, conversation, music, food, coffee, and crafting.  Of course, tainted slightly with gunfire and ruckus, but we made the most of it. 

Here is the wreath she pinned:

originally from this website

Here is what we came up with:

The funny thing is she was wrapping her letter with yarn while I was making the rosettes and both of those things took us for eva!  I made my rosettes out of the girls' old t-shirts and some yarn.  Here is a good rosette tutorial.  Her letter was so hard to wrap because of it's shape and corners and the rosettes are just time consuming.  She decided rosettes were not something she had patience for and I realized my letter was far easier to wrap than hers so our second leg of the mission was a breeze.

I quickly wrapped my letter and she took strips of burlap and loosely sewed across the bottom and gathered the strips into three different sized flowers.  Now, as she was attaching her flowers and letter I wrapped my straw wreath in strips of burlap.  I pinned the strips first then went back and hot glued the ends down.  I just hot glued the rosettes in place.  She didn't glue anything to her wreath so it could be changed up later if she wanted and stuck everything into the tightly twisted vines instead.

We both worked to get everything just where we wanted it and put our hangers at the top.  Pretty good turn out for a spontaneous craft session.

I consider this a Pinterest success and look forward to my next project!

Day 8.

Today marks day eight of working out.   That's consecutively.  Like, in a row.  As in no break.

Yes, I'm whining.  Sue me.

Melissa, the official only person still reading this blog (hi) made a comment on a post that made me think.  She referenced the stages of grief in making healthy choices and one of them being anger.  I thought...wow, why did I edit myself in my post?  I said grumpy.  But you know what?  I AM angry.

I am angry about a lot of things right now.  I am angry that getting up early and working out is so freaking hard.  I am angry that it doesn't come easily for me.  I am angry that instead of feeling better I feel worse than ever.  I am angry that today I laid around because I was sore and tired.

I am also angry about other things.  This blog?  What is it for?  I enjoy it but at the same time feel it is a big waste of narcissistic time.  I hate that I have been feeling extra exposed and vulnerable to the point where it is excruciating to write and I hold back, often leaving nothing but shallow stories for your humor's sake.  I am angry that I like writing but am nothing short of medi-ocre at it.  I have gotten more positive feedback about this blog than I could have ever imagined yet I can't really "do anything" with what I seem to be pretty good at and for some reason just writing for the sake of it and for documenting our family doesn't seem to be enough for me.  I want it to be enough but the truth is, it isn't.  I realize I may be taking this blog thing too seriously but that's who I am.  It takes my time and so it kind of needs to have purpose.

I wish I could be like the boring glass guy from the lecture I wrote about.  He's boring but at least he is really good at something.  At least he focused his energy into something that stuck and took him somewhere even if it is glass.  Good for him.

I am angry that when people find out I don't work they just blink their eyes and stare.  I am angry that I'm not the most ecstatic girl in the world that I "get" to stay home.  I should appreciate it so much more than I do.  I should get SO much more done everyday than I do.  I loose focus easily and it makes for a most vicious discouraging cycle.

I am angry that I have not pursued more of my talents.  I am a wife and mother and proud of it but I am so much more than that and neglecting those parts of me is killing me.  I am disappointed in myself for not having a clue what I wanted to do when I was in college.  I am angry at YAHOO freaking news for saying my degree was one of the top 10 useless degrees of all time.  That was just not something I needed to hear when going through this time in my life.  I wish I could go back and make some decisions with the head I have on me now but that is just not possible or reasonable and I have to make peace with that.

I had higher expectations for myself in my head but never had a plan.  Plans are a must.  Was I so naive to think that things would just happen for me without some serious hard work and drive?   Can I go back and slap my 18 year old self?  Please.  I really need to talk to that girl.  I have important things to tell her. 

I know I can't change the past.  I am working on changing myself instead but in doing so I can't help but reflect on the choices I have made.   The good ones and the bad ones.  I can't help but get so angry about it all and I take it out on my family.  That is just so not fair.  I gotta get this angry stuff out of my system. 

But you know what?  I am not going to edit it out of my life.  It's where I am.  It's a stage.  But I know one thing...just being angry all the time isn't going to make anything better.   I have to work through it in order to move forward.  Hence the changes.  It's just harder than I though it would be. 

Better day today. Still hate getting up.

Tonight I went to a lecture with Levi. Why? Oh, I don't know. Moment of insanity I suppose. He goes to lots of lectures and his brain gets bigger. I sniff modpodge and my brain gets poisoned. It works for me.

We get into the auditorium and they start 5 minutes late. Then I had to immediately look up what ephemeral meant since it was written on the first slide. When they finally start two old guys yammer on their gushing thanks to people who didn't even bother to show up. Totally awkward when he goes through the list of people so they can stand only to find out nobody is there.

The lecture guy finally starts and I turn to levi and mouth to him 'This was a huge mistake.'. He agreed. So. Boring. He spoke about glass and how it's reflective. Wow. Really, just wow. He has done some cool projects but the man had zero personality. Thankfully we had to leave early.

I think I will leave the lectures to him from now on and I'll continue to sniff mod podge.

Last minute.

This is a last minute lame 'I forgot to blog' post. I'm in bed posting from my iPhone. Today was by far the hardest day to get out of bed to workout. I am sore. Im grumpy. Really expected to feel more energy by now. I am going to attempt to be more consistent with my bedtime to see if it helps.

Change is hard. I have a lot of changes to make in my life. Lots. One day at a time.

Listen to your gut.

You know that gut feeling you get sometimes?  It might be like a sixth sense to keep you from impending danger.  A little nudge to call a friend who needed a shoulder to lean on at that moment.  Or even a magnetic draw to Anthropolgie who just so happened to have something you've been keeping your eye on marked down to 50% off.

Yes.  I listen to my gut.  Daily.

And that is why I hate camping and always regret it when I get talked into going.  Guilted, begged, and coerced into going by my husband and children.

My gut says..."Connie, you hate camping.  You REALLY hate camping.  Remember?  Don't give in.  Don't do it.  Just say no!"

And then you find yourself dying next to an oak tree being stalked by a serial killer while loosing your foot to gangrene.  

That is almost a true story.  Just listen (or read).

A friend (who will remain nameless but she knows who she is) invited us to a birthday camp out for her daughter.  That is the lowest of lows as far as friendship wrong-doing goes, by the way.  When she told me I sighed, moaned, and rolled my eyes.  Then I said maybe.  Perhaps their was a chance I could drive home and sleep?  Yes, that might work.

Wait, never mind.  Said friend booked a little to late so we had to drive an hour and half away.  So, it's commit or have everyone hate you.

Packing to go camping is the worst thing ever.  What is the point?  I don't get it.  Not one bit.   Let's regress and pretend we are Indians or cave people.   It's like a slap in the face towards civilization and progress, really.   As a child I use to dream of our family being a camping family.  I felt so jilted, so neglected, just so slighted that we were not a camping family.  I am pretty certain I was the only person in my family who felt this way.   But now, NOW.  I get it.

For me, the mom, it's not just camping.  It's packing clothes, food, bedding, first-aid, and 9 million camping accessories for 4 people then try to get it all in a teeny tiny car because my husband is still (and I digress) a tree huger.  That takes no less than an entire day and then me, the mom, gets to unpack it all while feeling completely horrid b/c this particular mom has yet to get a good night's sleep in a tent.  EVER.   And as a bonus, everything smells like a campfire when you get home.

 Anyway, we get there and within 30 minutes my foot starts to itch intensely.   I was able to ignore it off and on but clearly something was going on.  It was either an insect or a plant.  As the evening progressed I got a small red splotchy spot on my foot and it began to get puffy.  It didn't get much worse than that so I decided it was not anything to be too alarmed about.  We ate, had story time for the kids, talked, then went to bed.

Judging by the intensity of Levi's snoring and the mouths of my daughters gaping open and them in a complete coma...I'm pretty sure I was the only one not getting sleep.   We've tried air matresses, mats, lots of blankets...with the same results for me.  No sleep.  I was getting bits and pieces of sleep through itching my foot and checking to make sure it was still there. 

This off and on sleep lasted for about two hours.

Then I woke up suddenly covered in sweat.  My heart was racing my stomach writhing in pain.  It was the feeling you get right before you throw up except there was no warning.  Seriously, like a bomb in my stomach.  In my sleep.  Then I realize my foot is worse, throbbing and swollen and hot.

Did I mention I'm in a tent sandwiched between snoring comatose people who never care when I'm sick anyway.  In the outdoors.  In the dark.  Away from home.  Away from a BATHROOM? 

I slap Levi around a bit to wake him up then crawl my way out of the pitch black tent.    It probably wasn't exactly the right thing to leave the kids alone but I seriously needed Levi's undivided attention.  We walked as quickly as possible to the roach infested disgusting excuse for a bathroom which, upon entering, made me even more sick.  Not only did it stink, it was humid and hot in there.  I will spare you the details of my illness but let's just say it wasn't pretty and I had to go back and forth from an oak tree right outside the bathroom and then back into the bathroom b/c it was so gross and hot and GROSS in there.

I became so nauseous that I couldn't move without making it worse.  I sat down by the oak tree and cried and cursed everyone on the trip who would not allow me to be true to myself and my gut.  My gut was taking its revenge and I was about to be an amputee.

Levi went to fetch me a blanket and water and cortisone for my foot.

Wait, just a blanket and cortisone.  No water.  Why would I need water?  Why would a sick person need water?  Why would a hot sweaty nauseous sick person need water?  So, when he brought me the blanket and cortisone he immediately turned around to get me some water.   I think I was very sweet when I suggested that he go back to get me water.  That's how I remember it anyway.

Please know that the bathroom and our campsite were not close to each other. 

While I laid on the blanket ALONE (in the middle of the night) I notice something moving out of the corner of my right eye.  A person.  A person in a black hooded trench coat (hood pulled over his head) pacing back and forth next to a tiny little cabin.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.  This person was not on a cell phone.   He was not taking a smoke break.  He was alone. 

Goodbye, nice knowing you.  I am going to die now.

In my head I was wondering how my story would be told.  Would it be 48 Hours Mystery?  Disappeared?  CSI?  Maybe even Mystery Diagnosis with the gangrene situation in my foot.  Oh, the possibilities were endless.  I was hoping for a feature on I Shouldn't be Alive, though.   You know, because that would mean that I made it through this night of terror.  But, you know what else I was wondering?  Why the jack was I the only one sick?  I didn't eat anything other than what everyone else ate.  And there I was alone, being stalked by a serial killer, dieing from malaria, and having to consider cutting off my own foot just to survive.

Hmmm, perhaps I will be on Investigation Discovery's On the Case With Paula Zahn: "Who poisoned Connie Swinney?"

Best friend?  Husband?  Best Friend's husband?  

The serial killer kept pacing but would stop every now and then and stare.  I just froze like a scared wild animal.  After waiting what seemed like forever Levi made it back with the dang water.  I then proceeded to warn him quietly yet with great fervor that we were being stalked.  I don't think he bought my story.  Not even a little.  BUT I was sick, crying, muttering hate words towards him, and had an itchy foot problem so he went with it to humor me or shut me up.  Either one was fine with me.

I was begging God to make me better or take me on home.   The intense nausea was about to do me in.  I just assumed we would have to go home and the trip would be ruined for everyone else.  But after a couple of hours I began to feel the nausea lift.  My feelings of despair began to fade although my foot was still itching and hot but I was in the clear on the amputation.  

We made our way back to the tent and the girls had not gotten eaten by a bear or stolen.  Nor had they woken up and screamed bloody murder at the discovery of their parents being gone.  The rest of the night was uneventful and that morning we verified that yes, I was the only one who got sick.

And that is why you should listen to your gut.  Your gut knows best and will betray you if you so choose to not listen.

On the 30 day challenges...I am changing mine to blogging M-F during the month of February instead of everyday.  We did day 5 of our workout today and Levi has not had DP so we are still going strong!  But we are also still tired and grumpy.  Blah.

Pinterest Inspired Wall Art.

Yes, I'm on the Pinterest band wagon.  Since my first encounter I have gone through rehab and now have a healthy relationship with Pinterest.   It is through this healthy relationship that I came up with an arrangement above my piano.

If you've been a reader for a while you know that Levi and I don't agree on very much when it comes to home decor.  After 10 years of marriage, some counseling, some fist fights, and an occasional unkind word (or two) we are learning to compromise.  The original picture was pinned (by my friend looking out for me) on Pinterest from the Better Homes and Gardens Website:

I love this fabric.  Sigh.  But then there's Levi.  So I had to go with the smaller print you will see below and this:

You might be assuming that I would use canvases covered in fabric but you would be oh-so-wrong.  They should be canvases if Michael's on Arbrook (my once favorite craft store) hadn't completely let me down in the area of customer service last weekend.   But they did and I was forced to go into my garage and improvise.

Levi had a big piece of dry-wall left over from a project and I just cut it up using an exacto knife into the sizes that I would have bought the canvases.  You just have to score it on one side and then turn it over and karate chop it so that it breaks.  It's super fun. 

I have no idea how cost effective this is since it was something we had on hand.  I don't know how much dry-wall is.  For me it was free.  Now, when Levi needs that drywall and has to go buy more I'll let you know if it was cost effective or not by the level of his irritation.

Oh, and you should know that I did this while Levi was gone one weekend.  It's just easier that way.   Kind of makes it like a challenge.  "Will he or won't he kill me when he get's home."

I bought 1.5 yards of fabric and used a staple gun to wrap it around the boards.  I Googled "bird on a limb sillouette" and just painted them free-hand on two of the boards.  If you aren't comfortable free handing then you can easily print it off and cut it out to use as a stencil. 

 

I hammered a picture hanger into the backs of them and voila!  Done. Thank you Pinterest.  It's not perfect but it works:

I searched through the house for things to set up on the top of the piano and I'm pretty happy with what I came up with.  The two vases and the bird are from random trips to thrift stores a while back.  They were only 99 cents each.  The sticks in the yellow vase are from the back yard.

 I stole some of Levi's architecture books that had decent looking spines and spent way too long getting them just so.

 The smaller frame was in a box in the closet and the other was a birthday gift to Jules last summer..it's a chalkboard frame.   I plan on getting her to draw on it for me.  I added this little rocking horse as an homage to the beautiful blue in the original picture and as a "shout-out" to my cowgirl roots:

I had everything except the fabric and picture hangers on hand so the total cost for me was $12.  I am trying really hard to use what I have before spending any money.  Sometimes this requires being patient and coming up with just the right project that works with what you have.

Oh, and Levi's reaction?  "It's fine."  I can only assume that means he loves it, right?  And I'm still alive so..he may even want to marry it. 

Day 2 of the 30 day challenge complete.  By the way, getting up early and working out has not given me more energy yet has made me into an angry grumpy disgrace of a woman.  Let's hope that gets better.